What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 14:02
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
If You Have an Asus Router, You Need to Check If It's Been Hacked - Lifehacker
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?
I think the readers, may guess!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Stroll needed "urgent medical attention" for pain after qualifying - FIA · F1 - RaceFans
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot live in the past .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
Study shows that early humans climbed trees and worked with stone - Earth.com
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Have you been arrested or investigated?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My family never makes their pension either.
Nintendo releases more Switch 1 game updates to improve Switch 2 compatibility - Nintendo Everything
What did i know ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Can people who have never met you tell if you are a covert narcissist?
I was scared of men, in general
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Google Maps updated with new bottom corner logo - 9to5Google
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I waited trembling.
He knew the spot.
Have you ever been physically attacked by a demon?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
How do people break a narcissist man's ego?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She loved him until the end.
She married twice! .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was seconnd youngest,
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im still living with it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were not on the streets..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We all went to grammer schools
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was in good health!
Would this be the day?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Who then, do I blame.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I said to her
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ive learnt so much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
All the time i was locked up.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But, we were locked up after school.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She wouldn,t have been !
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
This is soul school!.
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So whats the point in blame.
My life is so biszare .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She found it foreign!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I will be 64.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
So, i spoilt her more .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I have no regrets .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was very sick at this time too.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.